In the Jungle Book, Mowgli a handsome young teenager tries to protect his village in India from the ravages of Sher Khan – the Tiger that threatened every child, man and woman living there! KA the Snake told Mowgli to beware of the anger and unbridled ego of Sher Khan. KA the Snake told Mowgli how he could defeat Sher Khan….but he needed – A Tooth! A Tooth much greater than that of Sher Khan – the Tiger! Mowgli found that Tooth and defeated Sher Khan!
The news is out: There is NO Golf without Tiger Woods!
The Billion Dollar Plus One – Golf Industry is at risk, without all the fame and theatrics of having the “over ego” of Tiger Woods all pumped up on steroids ready to take on the world. Tiger Woods, writing $10 Million dollar checks to prior “female associates”….to keep them “shut up”! Tiger, who gives 30 second interviews with friendly news people and expects us all to like it. The Tiger Woods that thinks – “He is Golf!”. The Tiger Woods that thinks people will forget that their kids are at risk….watching, hearing or just looking at the person of Tiger Woods, the serial “Fool Around Guy”! Tiger Woods, the serial abuser of his wife, not the second coming of Sammy Snead, serial abuser to his kids and the millions of fans – that thought he could walk on water! Disappointing!
The Golf Channel, Callaway Golf Clubs, Nike, the salaries of a myriad of Golf analysts on ESPN and the billions in television revenue that is at stake – all pale in comparison to the denigrating effects that having Tiger Woods at a National or International Golf Competition will create. Rachel Uchitel is one of over 20 women identified that Tiger Woods messed around with…..while his wife and family supported him on television at every major tournament event. Should Tiger have to pay each of these women $10 Million dollars, we are starting to talk about him as a possible candidate for a TARP bailout!
So, how do we domesticate the Tiger? The same way you try to domesticate a Killer Whale, a Wild Chimpanze, a Hammerhead Shark or a Charging Herd of Elephants! Better get a Cattle Prod and bunches of tranquilzer darts to put this guy to sleep – and to take him back to his natural habitat – away from people completely! Elin tried a 2 Iron….maybe this alternative will work better!
Face it Tiger, we don’t want you back! Tiger we don’t want you to beat any record of Jack Nicklaus. We don’t want your photo or painting on a Bank of Scotland banknote! We don’t want you to show “kids around the world” what a complete and total jerk you are. We don’t need you to “Save Golf as we know it!” You have done far enough harm to last Golf 20 years! If you retired today, you would be doing the Game of Golf….the greatest gift imaginable. Your days of playing….are over Tiger. The time to be and live serious is at hand. We need you out in the minority communities doing good, hands on work, every day!
Tiger..show some remorse. Your frail apologies are too transparent for words. Tiger don’t think anything you do will ever allow you to be private again. You don’t need to hang out with Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley or Jesse James. Get drug tested Tiger…let the world see the results. Those “good old days and good old boys” are over! Put an electronic device on your ankle so that Elin and the rest of the world – knows where you are – always!
Sher Khan suffered a deservedly untimely departure. Mowgli saved his village by both helping others and discovering that by paying attention to what Sher Khan was doing 24/7 was the most important thing he could do. Mowgli drove Sher Khan crazy and Sher Khan lost his composure. We will all know that Tiger is truthfully remorseful when he stops playing golf and starts working at life. He needs no more money. He needs no more kudos, he need not embarrass the Game of Golf any further. He doesn’t need to endorse anything! Tiger’s Sex Rehab days are over; those brutal all-nighters listening to Glenn Fry Albums and screwing are over! Get used to it Tiger….your public wants to know how you are doing on this program and so do the Tabloids! They could care less how many Golf Tournaments you participate in. Those days are “way over” dude!
So, the time has come for you to “Get lost Tiger!”….maybe some rich lady will put a nice diamond encrusted collar on you and drag you around to Macy’s, Bloomingdales or some of those nicer shops on Rodeo Drive. Finding redemption will come, by spending each of your waking hours helping the underpriveleged to play Golf and go on to College. Save several thousand kids, all around the world….and we will get back to you!
Finally: Forget playing at Augusta Tiger – you are not worthy! What you miss Tiger is: You are no longer a simple phenom Golf prodigy…..you have simply joined the ranks of Jesse James – as an “unfortunate celebrity with money”! A Tabloid Target forever!
The Jungle Book is one of my favorite tomes in literature, and definitely the most mangled. (Thanks Walt).
First of all, his name is Kaa.
Bagheera , Baloo, and Akela, advised Mowglii about the “Tooth”.
Kaa helped Mowgli defeat the Red Dog pack of the Dekkan.
Mowgli didn’t defend his village against Shere Khan because he lived in the Jungle.
In fact he persuaded the wild elephants to destroy the village.
Mowgli defeated Shere Khan by having his wolf brothers stampede the cows into a ravine so the Tiger was trampled to death.
I’ve read some of your blog postings…….you would think that between the two of you , someone could fact check.
I suggest you stay away from the classic literature analogies until you actually start to read .
*Now you see….you never saw the Movie with Sabu did you. Hey, the book is always better than the 1942 movie.
http://www.moviesunlimited.com/musite/product.asp?sku=D11659&gclid=CMiC5Oio66ACFR01gwodzScIHg
Rosemary DeCamp was Sabu’s mom and she sold refrigerators – maybe Kelvinator…maybe not!
At any rate, until you see this movie….you may think that Mowgli was a cartoon feature too! How about Gunga Din? You ready to give us song and verse on that one too? Maybe Victor McLaglen, Cary Grant and Doug Fairbanks Jr….weren’t really like the Sgt. Three of Kipling? If so, forget Kipling….it was a great movie and a great story….and they didn’t even play golf in it or fool around with 20 bimbo’s!
Now we know the depth of your classic literature definitions. I did see that 1942 version…it was on TNT classics, a colorized rascist version that in no shape or form actually protrayed Kiplings story.
That’s my point.
Forming opinions from baseless points of premise seems to be your M.O..
*Dr. G…as usual try to grasp what the story was about….”a metaphor”, or perhaps a “parable” ..if
you will. The attempt is to illustrate the grand battle of good vs. evil…
and whether the story was from the bible, the koran or a Classic Comic – story about: Tale of Two Cities…..the
idea is to get Tiger out of his self love and ego! No “grand design” theories please!
But… we certainly appreciate your attempt at holding the intellectual purity engendered!
It is kind of like this: Can you play the Ukelele? If so, what kind? Get it yet?
Ron and Anna, are you two husband and wife or …? I didn’t want to assume anything.
Lam Pho.
They truly are married. In fact they celebrate four anniversaries at once as they were married on Feb 29th
Sorry I didn’t give you a heads up so that you could have sent them a card. But, there is always next year.