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Furious Teabaggers Throughout America |
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Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian |
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Are you doing your part to pretend to care about the US Constitution? |
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Why pretend to care about that Constitution all of a sudden? |
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Because yelling, “I’m fixing to fire off a few rounds ’cause a damned Colored is in the White House!” lacks a certain charm and seems to rile the Socialists® who care about other people’s feelings in the Lamestream™ media. HELPFUL HINT: Also sidestep expressly mentioning sedition, regicide or anything involving live ammunition, as these more candid remarks may result in your family’s Christian prayers for the violent deaths of Democrats being rudely interrupted by the busybodies at the Secret Service. |
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Does pretending to care about the Constitution entitle me to do more fun, Timothy-McVeigh-style antics than when I pretend to care about other stuff like, say, our troops — or reality? |
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I’m glad you asked! The Constitution is as close to the Bible as the secular world gets: Full of persnickety rules, but without the gusty encouragements to murder people. As such, any time you purport to protect the Constitution, even your most crass, selfish remark is miraculously cloaked in civic selflessness. As any Christian (or Muslim) fundamentalists can tell you: The higher the calling you can claim, the lower the tactics you can use! Telling people you are compelled by the Constitution (or the Fatherland or the one True Faith®), leaves you free to ignore laws that get in your way — or pesky elections that didn’t go your way! Glory! |
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Which parts of the Constitution should I pretend to care about most? |
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Frankly, the very question reeks of Intellectual Elite™ curiosity and its nefarious liberal-lovin’ cousin: facts. Let’s just say this: not the parts George W. Bush violated for 8 years (e.g., Search and Seizure, Fourth Amendment, and Habeas Corpus, Article One, Section 9) without even a decaf chamomile teabag being flung. If pressed, simply employ a time-tested GOP response to any inconvenient inquiry: Obfuscation by accusation! Try this: “You’re not familiar enough with the Constitution to IMMEDIATELY know what dang parts I’m out here screeching about instead of more candidly (and pettily) carping about losing an election? You ain’t no Real American™ — libtard!” Pepper the sky with spittle bullets if the nosy liberal dares to ask a follow-up question. |
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Which parts of the Constitution should I not bother pretending to care about? |
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Ignoring articles and amendments to the Constitution is an enormous time-saver to the teabagger on the go! Since most Americans have never read the document (and most often confuse it with the Declaration of Independence or any number of bromides slapped on bumpers or needlepointed on pillows), you will enjoy great leeway in this regard. But every Sarah-Palin-loving, catchphrase-spouting True Christian™ will want to make a point of ignoring these really inconvenient parts: |
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Establishment Clause of the First Amendment.This thoroughly annoying passage “technically” prohibits Congress from requiring every man, woman and child in the land to flatter Jesus, as the poor, insecure thing has quite shamelessly demanded. As a constitutional scholar at Bob Jones University told me, “Unless it’s the Second Amendment, where the Founding Fathers told us to take assault rifles to the movie theater, only an activist judge would enforce the Constitution, a pile of secular bullcrap written by a pack of Jesus-denying Theists! Betty, did you know that Thomas Jefferson called the Bible a ‘dung hill’?” Honestly, if any clause of the Constitution calls out for a loud and hearty “la la la la la la I CAN’T HEAR YOU!,” it’s this one! |
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The Equal Protection Clause The Fourteenth Amendment, rammed down America’s throat in fleeting post-war guilt over the alleged nuisance of having to be a slave, is now providing a toehold for pushy, rights-obsessed homosexuals to slip their expensive Italian shoes through the carefully guarded door to equal rights. Remember: When folks we don’t like want the same rights we enjoy, we call them “special rights” — because we are so darn special. Gals, save a few la-las for this Amendment! |
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“No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States” Article VI, Section 3. Of course, asking “You ain’t no Muslamic are you, boy?” before administering an oath of office isn’t a test; it’s simply a pointed inquiry. |
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The appalling fact that Jesus isn’t mentioned in the entire Constitution — not even once! But, frankly, what do you expect from “men” who wrote books, wore wigs and enjoyed sliding on silk stockings? They can’t all be Sean Hannity! |
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Sixteenth AmendmentThe most anti-Tea Party garbage in the whole Constitution, this amendment allows Congress (technically, the “Representation” part in “No Taxation Without Representation!”) to levy an income tax without apportioning it among the states or basing it on Census results. This Amendment is completely inconsistent with almost every Tea Party sign and, ispo facto, void. Give thanks for the miracles that are possible when you aren’t fettered by so-called reality! Praise the Lord and pass the bullhorn! |
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Funny stuff. Not true, but funny nonetheless.
Incidentally, tea party members are not “furious”. Of course you’re always going to get some deranged liberal trying to halt “constitutional” free speech by making it look they are:
Anti-Tea Party Teacher Back in the Classroom
An Oregon teacher who is under investigation for his intention to “dismantle and demolish the Tea Party” is back at work.
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/04/27/anti-tea-party-teacher-classroom/
Now this IS furious:
http://www.zombietime.com/zomblog/?p=621 (lots of bush hate photos for you bush haters…vern, are you in any of them?) Here’s a little game you MFing libs can play. Look at each photo and everytime you see the word “bush” just pretend it says “obama”. Then go to youtube and watch ANY tea party video and think about how they compare. Then write a report on how middleground made you a better person and tape it to your bathroom mirror.
And this IS furious:
Clip from Bush Assassination Film
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojWOWyHWj6M
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Now… I am all for free speech…but…as a courtesy, could you anti-tea-party minions just STFU for awhile?
Anyone who uses the term “teabagger” cannot be taken seriously. It’s immature. Grow up.
Yeah, not really funny, and why is the picture of the sign “doctored” to make Obama a monkey? What is that supposed to mean? Kind of racist if you ask me….Not really original either, I could see this on CNN, or MSNBC, etc…
Hey “Middleground”: Your moniker is soooo hypocritical. You are a red-handed Rightground holdout who is under the impression Obama and Bush are interchangeable figures. Sore losers and foot-dragging Republican leadership clearly slows OUR president’s progress. It’s too bad, because OUR president wants to improve OUR nation in spite (literally!) of you obstructionist, NO-votin’, gun-brandishing, Cheney-loving white folks. The teapartiers are like adolescent (or senile?) reactionists, who can’t be bothered with facts or even history. They are rife for being used as political vehicles for sleazy rightwingers who smell blood in the water and are circling for a little attention in the limelight. Tape that to your bathroom mirror MFr.
Vern – I thought you were above cheap-shots like this.
Commenter #4 – you’re pathetic. Hide behind your anon moniker to hurl angry liberal insults.
I could point out a number of ways Obama has subverted the constitution and voilated his own campaign pledges, but debating with you will do no good.
i think post 4 sounds a little like anoster . anything with a BIG R in fornt of their name is awfull , hatefull , distructive , hmmm sounds like far left vern too .
At the Santa Ana Tea Bagger event on 4/15, I asked a “bagger” why she was there, she replied “because I’ve lost my freedoms, my constitutional rights”, I then asked her to be specific as to which “freedoms” or “constitutional rights” she had lost, and she said; “all of them”.
Most of these people wouldn’t know a “constitutional right” if it bit them in the ass!
“Most of these people wouldn’t know a constitutional right if it bit them in the ass” or laid it’s balls on their chin.
Thank you and have a nice teabag.
Vern – I thought you were above cheap-shots like this.
Yeah Sarge, usually, unless something’s really funny. And Betty Bowers is over-the-top funny. I avoid her stuff making fun of religion, but a couple years ago I put up one of her video parodies of those familiar lying petroleum-institute spots… I’ll put that up again at the bottom of this comment.
It’s more my style to be constructive. To that end, my brother Crab and I are going to show up at the next tea party we hear of and offer prizes to anybody who can answer a certain number of questions about the Constitution. The grand prize will be the pocket Constitution Eric Massa handed me just a week or two before his man-grope flame-out! (Not a joke.)
Rick Moore you Holy Coaster. I hope you realize that the first people to talk about “teabagging” were real Red State tea-partiers. It was pretty funny. By now, though, even MSNBC has stopped using the term. Leaving only immature Betty Bowers and me to play in the mud.
@ #5 “I could point out a number of ways Obama has subverted the constitution and violated [sic] his own campaign pledges . . . ”
I agree that Obama has gone against many of his campaign promises, and I am not really a fan of his. But, can you point to just ONE example of how he has “subverted” the Constitution? One real, concrete example of something he has done? I doubt it.
Because I can give you several clear and concrete ways that BUSH subverted the constitution. Here are two to start.
1. Suspension of Habeas Corpus – “On Oct. 17, 2006, President Bush signed a law suspending the right of habeas corpus to persons “determined by the United States” to be an “enemy combatant.” The SCOTUS (a conservative one at that) later ruled that Section 7 of the Military Commissions Act of 2006 was unconstitutional.
2.Illegal Wiretapping – “Judge Vaughn R. Walker ruled that the government had violated a 1978 federal statute requiring court approval for domestic surveillance . . . The ruling delivered a blow to the Bush administration’s claims that its surveillance program, which Mr. Bush secretly authorized shortly after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, was lawful.
See, these were ACTUAL things the Bush administration did that ACTUAL COURTS found to be unconstitutional. UNCONSTITUTIONAL does not mean you don’t agree with it, or that it in some way violates your sense of right and wrong, or that it’s even a bad law (which I think many of Obama’s are).
So, while you are you there defending all of our freedoms for us, do us a favor and take off your partisan goggles. They are making you blind.
So Vern, I guess I’m the only one who is offended by the racist poster in the picture…. Is that doctored? Is it from the author, or is it “stock footage”?
It IS offensive, Big mark. And I’m not sure if it’s real or not. We’ve seen LOTS of offensive signs at teaparties, although I realize that racists are a minority there. If I had to GUESS, I’d say the “Betty Bowers” people photoshopped that chimp face onto an Obama sign to make it even more offensive than your average teabag sign – which, I would agree, is gilding the lily. Like I said, they’re “over the top” in pursuit of satire. But it’s not THAT far from some of the things we’ve seen… really…. I don’t have to waste my precious time today posting up real things that are just as bad do I? Just close your eyes and remember that Obama witch doctor with the bone thru his nose.
when they hold up signs with bush as hitler , its ok . they hold up signs of nobama as hitler OMG thats awfull , sad , how can they do that . i guess anoster has a patton on rallys only code pink , anti war , anti coservative , can rally . other side does it , racist , stupid people who dont know the constutution , NO ANOSTER your president has a hard time trying to follow that . after health care gets tossed back at his face . for forcing people to buy ins . I DONT THINK SO .