I LOST MY BALLOT! (& Other Bad Excuses)

By
Greg Diamond
– March 5, 2024Posted in: "The OC", Fresh Juice

Why aren’t you going to vote today? There are only two good reasons: (1) I’m not eligible to vote and (2) I have already voted (so leave me alone.) Let’s review some of the bad reasons.

(1) One Vote Doesn’t Make a Difference

I emit a bitter laugh at that. I live in Brea. I know that one vote makes a difference.

In a school board race in November 2020, the Democratic candidate, Lauren Barnes, led the (non-crazy, so far as I know) Republican candidate, incumbent Gail Lyons, by exactly one vote after the count ended. (That linked story covered the entire saga.) Lyons, understandably, sought a recount. Barnes knew that I was following the case; she brought me in as her attorney to monitor the recount.

Little did I knew, as we underwent the excruciating process, that then-ROV Neal Kelley had already had his staff go through the ballots — and had found one ballot with a light but discernible mark that had been missed by the machine. If I were a Trump attorney, I would have screamed that some election worker had introduced that mark — but I had no evidence of that and I trusted in Neal’s and his splendid staff’s integrity. (Moreover, if they had intended to fix the election results, they would have had Lyons pick up two votes and not still have a 50% change of losing.)

(Incidentally, my daughter was deployed in the Navy at this time and I had tried unsuccessfully (during the worst of Covid, of course) to procure an absentee military ballot for her. Due to various reasons, more from the Navy than from California, we couldn’t get it done. We were in a different district, though, so it didn’t affect the result.)

Lyons won “casting of lots” (a dice roll) by rolling the second-worst possible roll of the two dice: and 1 and a two. Unfortunately, Barnes had previously rolled snake eyes. Lyons’s roll did not actually meet the criteria for a proper roll — she sort of turned the cup over and dropped them straight down — but while this might have gotten her kicked out of a casino Barnes graciously did not want to contest it.

One vote can matter! Depending on where you live, your vote could make the difference between who controls the OC Board of Education, where MAGA-freaks spend your tax dollars on pointless lawsuits against the government. Your vote could make the difference between Francis Marquez or Janet Nguyen being on the Board of Supervisors! Your vote could make the difference between Joanna Weiss of Dave Min making it to the runoff for Congress! Your vote could make the difference between Barbara Lee — ok, that’s a bad example, but the other ones are plausible!

Avoid unnecessary regret. Vote like victory depends on it!

(2) I Lost My Ballot!

True story: I lost my ballot for this election. I thought I had it, but when I went to retrieve it I saw that somehow it was my ballot for the 2022 election, which I had also lost misplaced and hadn’t turned it. That one was the same size as the Election Information brochures that we get from the Secretary of State’s office, so once I realized that it was the wrong one, as I was preparing to go out and vote yesterday, I started looking for my real ballot. And I couldn’t find it — for a full half an hour! Then I noted a smaller envelope that didn’t looked like it contained a ballot — but it did!

Note that my fist is about as large as Donald Trump’s, so you the photo you see here is pretty much actual size (at least on my wide-screen monitor) and the envelope is accordingly of modest size. Don’t look past it, thinking that it’s a honking huge envelope!

If you’re in the same boat now that I was yesterday, you can request a new ballot through the Registrar of Voters Office, I believe even by phone or electronically, and they will notify the vote centers to have a duplicate ballot waiting for you. Then find your nearest vote center and they’ll have it ready for you. Alternatively, you could just go to the vote center and have you fill one out; worst case you’ll only be able to vote on a provisional ballot, but I suspect that they may be able to improve on that given that they do have your address and know that you’re registered.

Last ditch effort: drive to the Registrar of Voters Office on Grand and McFadden in Santa Ana and they should be able to hook you up! I’ve spent many an election night at the ROV office, sometimes with humongous crowds of last minute voters, and it’s actually pretty fun. For a certain taste, that is.

(3) There’s No One Worth Voting For

What the hell is wrong with you? How did you get to this blog? Look, you have everything from literal fascists and white supremacists to anti-government Marxists and lovely Social Democrats on this ballot, and pretty much everything in between. Let me ask you a question: are you pro- or anti-MAGA? If you’re anti, you can follow the Orange Juice Blog recommendations on each race, which are certified MAGA-free or your money back! If you’re MAGA, well, I realize that irony is probably not your your thing, but you should try it out this one time! You can take all of the Orange Juice Blog recommendations and then, when you’re handing the ballot to the poll worker, just tell them that you mean your choices ironically! I will presume, for the same of argument that they have some special stamp they can affix to cover that. Or, if irony is abhorrent (that means NO LIKE AT ALL) to you, how about vicious sarcasm! Proceed as above, but at the end tell them that you voted for people who you want in office when the revolution comes and wipes out all of the political leaders. Sarcasm means that you really don’t mean it, and when they bring the cop over to you, you can show them this post. I’m sure things will go just fine. (Note: that was sarcasm.)

(4) I Don’t Have a Ride

I feel for you. You might want to call a campaign you support, a party you support, or a friend who will drive you to the polls. Remember, you’re probably not that far away from a Vote Center! Do you have a neighbor with whom you agree about yes or no on MAGA? Ask them for a ride — it will essentially double their vote, and both sides like doing that.

And next time: don’t be like me! Have your ballot located and in place before you need it! And good luck!

About Greg Diamond

Somewhat verbose attorney, semi-disabled and semi-retired, residing in northwest Brea. Occasionally ran for office against jerks who otherwise would have gonr unopposed. Got 45% of the vote against Bob Huff for State Senate in 2012; Josh Newman then won the seat in 2016. In 2014 became the first attorney to challenge OCDA Tony Rackauckas since 2002; Todd Spitzer then won that seat in 2018. Every time he's run against some rotten incumbent, the *next* person to challenge them wins! He's OK with that. Corrupt party hacks hate him. He's OK with that too. He does advise some local campaigns informally and (so far) without compensation. (If that last bit changes, he will declare the interest.) His daughter is a professional campaign treasurer. He doesn't usually know whom she and her firm represent. Whether they do so never influences his endorsements or coverage. (He does have his own strong opinions.) But when he does check campaign finance forms, he is often happily surprised to learn that good candidates he respects often DO hire her firm. (Maybe bad ones are scared off by his relationship with her, but they needn't be.)