5 More Weeks: What stunts will McCain try next?

Inquring minds are dying to know, yea, yearning to learn, now that McCain’s campaign is down in the dumps again, and having seen him over the last two months throw all the cards up in the air by:

  • Threatening war with Russia over a small border dispute;
  • Truncating the Republican National Convention at the last minute to help out Gustav victims;
  • CHOOSING SARAH PALIN;
  • Blurting out as a first reaction to the financial mess that we should fire popular “FEC” chairman Cox, and then taking that back;
  • “Suspending” his campaign (which actually never stopped for a day) to rush to Washington and single-handedly fix the crisis (actually throwing a spanner in the works)…

… what will he do next?  A British rag (grain of salt here) reports that the Levi/Bristol wedding is planned for the week before Election Day; they quote a “McCain insider”: “It would be fantastic. You would have every TV camera there. The entire country would be watching. It would shut down the race for a week.”  So, don’t rule that out.  I pity the two kids.

But last week Slate Magazine, striving to be helpful, predicted “McCain’s Next 10 Hail-Mary Stunts,” which I’ll post over the flip.  Please feel free to use the comment section to suggest other possibilities.  Remember, the goal is to insulate ourselves from overmuch shock.  Or mirth.

Slate predicts McCain’s next 10 Hail Mary stunts.

1. Returns to Vietnam and jails himself.
2. Offers the post of “vice vice president” to Warren Buffett.
3. Challenges Obama to suspend campaign so they both can go and personally drill for oil offshore.
4. Learns to use computer.
5. Does bombing run over Taliban-controlled tribal areas of Pakistan.
6. Offers to forgo salary, sell one house.
7. Sex-change operation.
8. Suspends campaign until Nov. 4, offers to start being president right now.
9. Sells Alaska to Russia for $700 billion.
10. Pledges to serve only one term. OK, half a term.

Do you have an idea for McCain’s next campaign stunt? Send it to us at NextMcCainStunt@gmail.com , and we will publish the best ideas. E-mails may be quoted by name unless you indicate otherwise.

About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official political troubadour of Anaheim and most other OC towns. Regularly makes solo performances, sometimes with his savage-jazz band The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.